Amy Winehouse put on a concert in St. Lucia. She showed up an hour late, couldn’t remember the songs, and was guzzling large amounts of alcohol between sets. All kinds of hijinks were going on. At one point Amy Winehouse lunged at some backup singers. It started raining, and they canceled the concert. Publicists blamed the poor performance on the rain, stating that while most humans need water to sober up, Amy Winehouse is lizard people, and moisture absorbed through her scales caused inebriation – they also said Amy Winehouse was sad about the breakup with Blake Fielder-Civil, who looks like a shaved chimp on crack. Everyone knows that coupling between the lizard people and chimp people is strictly prohibited anyway because they make mole babies who live under our cities and take one sock every time we do laundry… whatever.